We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
