There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Randomize
