Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
