I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
