census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
