Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
