I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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