So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
