who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
