Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
