Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
