When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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