I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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