Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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