Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
