If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
