is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
