My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
