Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
