So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
