I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
