I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
