Say something about gay babies.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
