My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
last night I used snow as a chaser
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
