so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Boobs speak an international language.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
