Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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