Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
