I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
