We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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