broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working