Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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