She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize