No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
What drink are we having for lunch?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Randomize
