Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
