If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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