Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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