I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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