i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Terrible idea I love it
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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