They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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