The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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