my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You're like the curious george of whores
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
