Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
