You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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