In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
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I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
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I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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