ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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