I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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