i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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