the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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