Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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