you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
