dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
