I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
