I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
