He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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