he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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