i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
