you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
