I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
