This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
