i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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