i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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