You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
