He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
