bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
