i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
