You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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