Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale