no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
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We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
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She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.