did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him