The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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