I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage