I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
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Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
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There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.