Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.