soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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