Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
