I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
