she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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