she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
