Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
