we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
