I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
